Hi, all. Tonight I’m definitely feeling a bit down. I guess depression is a bit of a taboo topic. But I feel like venting. I haven’t been clinically diagnosed with depression but I do recognize that there are things I experience that would probably classify me as suffering from depression.
It seems as though pregnancy has magnified my feelings of sadness. I honestly have been feeling unloveable. A few weeks back, I looked in the mirror and was unhappy with my appearance. I thought to myself, “Why would my husband be attracted to me?” I’ve even wondered why he’s with me. Sometimes, I feel so alone and I end up crying. I tried to explain to him how I’ve been feeling but I don’t think he understands. As I type this, I’m loading up on Skittles and the leftover pink Jelly Beans from my baby shower. Anyway, I just feel an overwhelming sense of dissatisfaction with my appearance.
I find it a bit strange that I can feel so sad but still be happy about this little person growing inside of me. I love her more than anything. And at the same time I feel sad because I don’t feel like I’ll be a good mom. Even before my pregnancy, I suffered from feelings of inadequacy. I’ve always been unsure of myself and questioned my abilities. I’ve never felt that I was good enough. I definitely feel like I need help. So, at my next appointment, I’m going to tell my doctor how I’ve been feeling and see if she has any suggestions.